I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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