he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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