Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
