Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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