I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
