Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
