I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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