Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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