There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize