32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i would punch a child for taco bell
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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