He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
