I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
