Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize