I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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