wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
