the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
