So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
