the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
