Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
