its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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