I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
