tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
