Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
