So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
