either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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