dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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