FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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