having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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