My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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