my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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