My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
