I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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