My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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