We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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