i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
