you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
