why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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