Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
