i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
