Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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