either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
