So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
