I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
