I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
