Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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