she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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