Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Will exercising make me less horny?
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