Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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