Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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