And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
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