Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
