I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
