You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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