no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
