I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
