in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
