Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
