Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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