I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
