So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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