Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
