another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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