Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
did you just send me my own nude
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
