i don't like sucking hair
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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