he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
