I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
