does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
