I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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