the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
