I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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