Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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