i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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