It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
