I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
