drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize