hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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