Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
