what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Less talking, more tequila
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
