you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
