38 yer olds are good kisserssss
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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