3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
