my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
In America we eat man semen.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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