I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
