She's JV to your varsity
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He passed out mid-signature
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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