3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
