I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
