plz talk dirty to me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
