We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
