dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
