I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
