im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
