you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
