i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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