Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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