You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
