I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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