Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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