You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
