Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
