her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
