FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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